is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize