I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would ride that face into the sunset
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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