Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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