hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
