if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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