We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
