the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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