i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
