oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
