he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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