Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
