it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Less talking, more tequila
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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