plz talk dirty to me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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