Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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