Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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