Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So much Jack, so little girl.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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