I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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