A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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