I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
