I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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