overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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