first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
