i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
