it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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