once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize