talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
