What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize