do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
