I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
