I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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