Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
