Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize