You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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