just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
