hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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