i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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