He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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