Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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