i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
