It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
