So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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