She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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