yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My bed smells like the plague
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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