she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
