I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
