Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
