We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize