can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize