$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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