i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
