im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so that wasnt chicken after all
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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