Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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