i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
