3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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