I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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