my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
