Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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