She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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