Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
