Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
