Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
