11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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