i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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