he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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