make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
