Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
